So, who wants to see the fixed version of the text, now that I got into Mirian’s brain a bit better? WARNING: This has not been run through CC yet, so it is uncritiqued, and may be filled with epic suckage!
Nevertheless, here it comes!
– – – – –
Mirian trudged along the road to Trior. Jerok had insisted they leave before sunrise. He walked alongside her, but looked back as much as forward. Something seemed strange about him, but she couldn’t put her finger on it. When he turned his head, she stole a glance at him. She would have to trust him. He could have robbed or killed her at any point yesterday, but hadn’t. Besides, what could she do to stop him if he did? No, she would have to trust that Aliyah would protect her and keep her safe.
Safe. Aliyah had kept her alive, but she didn’t feel very safe. Why had She left Mirian to those killers? She kicked at a pebble on the road, sending it into the trees. If she hadn’t turned and ran, she could have saved them. Frederick, at least, could be here with her now. Her eyes burned, and she felt a trickle down her cheek. She scrubbed her sleeve across her face.
“What’s wrong, Mirian?”
Of course he would pick now to be looking at her instead of the road behind him. Her voice cracked. “I left him to die.”
“Frederick. One of the guards.” A ragged sigh escaped her. “Those horrible, evil men attacked us in the middle of the night. They killed everyone. He was laying right there. I could have saved him, but I didn’t. I just turned and ran.”
His arm reached across her shoulders, and she let him draw her near this time. “I’m sure there was nothing you could have done,” he whispered into her hair.
“But I could have.” She stopped and looked into his eyes. How could she explain? “I’m a healer. It’s what I do. I could have saved him. He looked right at me. I saw the fear in his eyes. Oh, goddess, how could I have turned away from him like that?”
The tears welled up again, blurring her vision. Jerok pulled her in, and she couldn’t hold them back any longer. Deep sobs wracked her frame as he held her, stroking her hair. He whispered consolation into her ear, but the words were lost.
Finally, she pulled away. “I’m sorry,” she whispered as she wiped her hands across her face. “I’m sure you didn’t expect to –”
“No, you’re fine. Really. I knew something was wrong. I’m glad you told me what happened.” A smile flittered across his lips, then was gone. “Lunch?”
– – – – –
Those that are following the story will understand why he smiled. If you *WANT* to be following the story, let me know, and I will send you an invite into my private queue on CC.
I’m pretty happy with the result. You can see where I practically lifted her words out of the interview and dropped them in. I think that is kind of the point. Since she lives inside my head, I can plagiarize her shamelessly, and get away with it.
Next post will be another interview. I may not post before and afters of the story, but it will be a bit longer, so there will be more to work with.
Till next time!